Pretty Green

My Top 10 Coachella Fantasies

That Coachella feeling is in the air. Can you feel it? Its practically here. Another jam-packed back to back weekend of mayhem is upon us once again. This years headliners include The Stone Roses, Blur, Phoenix, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers. But what can we expect from this years lineup of bands, DJs, rappers, and artists? Will anyone rise to the occasion of trying to top last years Tupac Shakur hologram brought on by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg? Because to me, this shouldn’t just be another stop on the North American leg of the tour. Festivals should be treated like the NBA All-Star weekend. Comic Con. The “Dundies” at your neighbourhood Chilis. Its Wrestlemania, brother. Ooh yeah. This is it. It’s clobberin’ time. Right about now, bands and artists should be thinking of ways to stand out, blow us away, and be remembered and talked about for weeks to come after April. I get that its cool not to care, but bands should care. A lot of the smaller fonts on the bill from previous years have been known to blow up and become huge after their first Coachella appearance. Mgmt, The Killers, B.O.B., and Amy Winehouse just to name a few. They all blew up respectively on the strength of the buzz left after their performances. Last year had many memorable stand out moments which proved that the double weekend was a success. Besides the Tupac hologram, some highlights included Ricky Wilson of The Kaiser Chiefs running mid song from the main stage and into the beer garden with mic in hand to grab a beer. The Black Lips kicked off their amazing weekend 2 set by walking onstage with a cardboard cut-out of the Notorious B.I.G to the song “Hypnotize”. Topped it off with a balls out riot in the pit, a black lips make out sesh,and a guitar being smashed to bits all during their final song, “Bad Kids.”

For me though, my all time favorite Coachella moment came in 2002 when the (International) Noise Conspiracy headlined the Mojave tent. After playing a raucous energetic set, they came back out for a rare Coachella encore and blew the roof off the place by playing “Blitzkrieg Bop” by The Ramones, honoring the late Joey Ramone who passed away just a year before. It was an unforgettable combination of adrenaline and high emotions. The place erupted for those epic 2 minutes like we were all overcome simultaneously by some high-spirited punk rock gospel service lead by the pastor of Joey Ramones ghost. So here now are my top 10 fantasies for this years Coachella 2013. Because the fate of another double weekend in the sun with a higher priced wristband rests on the shoulders of these artists for delivering an unforgettable experience for the future of festivals to strive for years to come. And to the Coachella goer who’s given up their arm to be there, You might as well sing your heart out and lose yourself in the pit for the glory of love. But in the end, if no wish on this list brings itself to fruition, I’ll still be a happy camper because Blur and The Stone Roses are playing with their original lineups this year and I couldn’t be more elated. So either way, I’ll be singing along with Kermit on a log. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

10. Phoenix played the side stage a few years back and apologized to the crowd for failing to bring their light show which is an integral part of their live show. Now that they’re back with a headlining slot on Saturday night, they feel they have a lot to make up for. So they put on a groundbreaking pants on the floor dance party that destroys all the naysayers proving to everyone that they are important and powerful, and not to be ignored.

9. More super fans in costumes. like this guy. He gets it.

8. Noel Gallagher joined Damon Albarn and Graham Coxon recently on stage for an all-star rendition of “Tender.” So how do they return the favor to Noel? By bringing him back onstage to do a version of Don’t Look Back In Anger, or Wonderwall. With Paul Weller on drums, of course.

7. Midway through How To Destroy Angels’ set, Trent Reznor finally gives in and gives us a few Nine Inch Nails songs so that the audience doesn’t have to wonder if they should have waited for Lollapalooza tickets instead.

6. More beer gardens (aka more beer). Pretty please? Last year I waited in a long cluster-fudged beer line only to reach the cashier parched out of my long johns, just as they so gingerly announced, “were out of beer”. Sad face.

5. Lets play 6 degrees of Daft Punk. It goes like this.. Pusha T brings out his brother Malice and they do Clipse powerhouses “Grindin” and “Hot Damn”. Crowd can hardly contain itself. Then Malice introduces Kanye West to the stage and they plow through “Kinda Like A Big Deal” and “Runaway.” Crowd turns into a giant boner. Then Kanye introduces Daft Punk onstage and they do “Stronger.” Crowd goes full berzerko. Underwear is now optional. Then Daft Punk turns the audience into a house of dancing robots. A head in the audience explodes. The end.

4. Wu-Tang Clan gives Method Man a 3 song solo set, upon which he slays the audience with “Bring The Pain.” Then brings out special guest Redman and kills it with “Da Rockwilder.” Then as the Mortal Kombat announcer tells Method Man “Finish Him” with “him” referring to us,  he hits us in the sweet spot with “You’re All I Need To Get By” with special guest, Mary J Blige. I can happily die now.

3. The Wombats end their pogo-ing set with “Lets Dance To Joy Division”. Just as they walk off, Bernard Sumner, Stephen Morris, and Peter Hook walk out on stage. All is forgiven from the recent media bickering, and they play “Love Will Tear Us Apart” with the crowd singing as one voice to Ian’s words that we all know and cherish. Epic Estrada.

2. Fridays food court and selection is all vegan. The people begin to wonder and speculate why. Then during Johnny Marrs set, he finally introduces the reason why. They hug on stage, play Smiths songs, Kleenex is passed around to wipe the tears in the entire room. Cameras flash nonstop. Twitter is all a twitter, and Coachella history is made.

1. More girls and boys jumping up and down, less Youtube amateur video recording. Unless of course if #2 happened. Then you get a pass, this time.

As a kid I used to listen to R&B and rap. Until Nirvana and Pearl Jam came out and I was all into that. Then one day Britpop was born and Noel Gallagher told me, "Don't look back" I also write songs and play bass in a gang called far*out.

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